Wading through my post-vacation stack of newspapers, I found an article entitled “All the Rage” in T, the New York Times style magazine. It was not a description of spring fashion trends. Written by Ayelet Waldman, it was an account of how PMS exacerbates her bipolar disorder.
You may remember Waldman, wife of author Michael Chabon, for her controversial 2005 Modern Love essay, in which she admitted that she loved her husband more than her four kids. Since then, she’s had some fun playing agent provacateur among the mommy set, most recently in her memoir, Bad Mother. In a Fresh Air interview with Terry Gross after the book came out, Waldman acknowledged that her bipolar disorder may have led to some inappropriate moments of “oversharing.”
At the risk of oversharing myself (since I do not have bipolar disorder, I don’t have a handy excuse), I should tell you that recently I enticed Jeff with a “come hither” look to see the latest additions to my bedtime reading.
An avid appreciator of reference materials, I bought these books as a way to take control of my health. Sadly, after a hopeful healing trend, my neck recovery hit a downward trajectory, probably because of hours at my laptop revising my book manuscript and one wimpy afternoon of skiing during our recent trip to the Canadian Okanagan (the photo above is the view from our condo at the Big White ski resort). There are MRIs and acupuncture and cortisone shots in my future.
I bought the menopause book for research. I’d skimmed Christiane Northrup’s seminal work ten years ago, around the time perimenopause-like symptoms first debuted in my body. (At the ripe age of 40, I had a baby and a toddler to care for, so sheer fatigue may have trumped hormones as the culprit behind my mood swings and frustrations.) At the time, I was put off by Northrup’s thesis that menopause is an opportunity for shedding extraneous burdens, and especially her suggestion that sometimes these burdens included husbands.
Though I’m still not interested in shedding my husband (after all, who else would appreciate the humor I found in my choice of boudoir reading?), this time around, the book warranted a closer look for its recommendations on mid-life weight control, reasons to have your thyroid checked and the physiological foundations of menopause.
My friends and I have been furtively comparing notes about symptoms we’ve been experiencing that may or may not be due to the impending “changes,” and we share a similar sense of bewilderment about these changes, not unlike how our daughters feel and felt about menstruation.
If you live in Seattle and have had children go through puberty, you’ve likely heard about an invaluable resource, commonly referred to as “that class.” ”That class” is actually one component of the Great Conversations program offered at Seattle Children’s Hospital, which offers classes and presentations on puberty, sexuality, parenting and other topics relating to adolescence.
In 1988, nurse Julie Metzger developed “For Girls Only,”as a fun, informal way for mothers and daughters to discuss puberty. ”For Boys Only,” geared towards fathers and sons, followed in 1992 and is taught by Dr. Rob Lehman. Both classes have been a Seattle rite-of-passage ever since, and Julie is warm, funny, supportive and very, very informative.
“You are not the first or even the 100th to ask this same question,” Julie told me. “That says something right there about the need, doesn’t it?”
The other night, my family and I watched an episode of Modern Family with a plot line devoted to PMS. The fact that hormones have made it to primetime TV (the final frontier?) as well a style magazine tells me that, just as our generation of women turned mothering into endless fodder for books, magazine articles, movies and TV shows, we may be on the verge of a menopausal renaissance. There will be “bad girls,” like Ayelet Waldman and Sandra Tsing Loh, who refuse to “go gently into the good night,” good girls like Christiane Northrup, who remind us (after we’ve shedded the excess baggage) to take our flax seeds, and the French, who put everyone to shame.
Meanwhile, the rest of us will scratch our heads, eat our yams and dark chocolate and hope that, as the topic of menopause gains traction in American society, the discussion doesn’t become a version of the “Mommy wars.”
All those flying legs of lamb could be dangerous.
Julie Metzger and Rob Lehman have just published a new book for pre-teens: Will Puberty Last My Whole Life? a collection of questions they have been asked in over 25 years of running “that class.” The book is available at independent book stores and on Amazon.com
I’m interesting in hearing your take on menopause. Are there books or other resources you’ve found invaluable? Have you found an entertaining, yet informative way to tackle the topic with your peers?
- Ayelet Waldman: Bad Mother (time.com)
- Physiology, Brain Chemicals and Hormones in Depression and Bipolar Disorder (everydayhealth.com)